Item: So we've got a new Pope, and it only took four votes, too. Pope Benedict XVI is the name Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger of Germany chose as he was crowned as the 265th Holy Father of the Catholic Church. What's going to be interesting is how Pope Benny the 16th is received by the less conservative Catholics, as while he served as a personal confidant and advisor to the late Pope John Paul II, he also developed a reputation as a strict enforcer of church doctrine, and earned the nickname "Cardinal No". The super-conservative Catholics will no doubt love him, but those calling for lessening of certain strict dogmatic practices - read: women priests, tolerance of homosexuality, acceptance of abortion and euthanasia, full apology for the Inquisition, etc, etc - are going to be having kittens for the next few months as Benny settles into his Holy See. Still, here's wishing him all the luck, because he's got one Heaven of a pair of shoes to fill.
Item: On the other hand, his choice of Benedict the XVI as his Papal name surprised quite a few people, most of whom predicted that he would assume the name of John Paul III. Think about it: he was possibly the closest friend and advisor John Paul II had, and it would have been a fitting tribute to the Grand Papal who, without argument, caused the most positive changes to the Modern World than any other Holy Father in the past thousand years at least. The Polish revolt against the declining Evil Soviet Empire would probably not gotten 1/10th as far as it did had Lech Walesa and his follower not been inspired by the fact that one of their own was not running the Vatican. The memory of his accomplishments will live on, but his name deserved the same respect.
And besides, it would have been cheaper. Just add an extra "I" to all the stationary and monuments...
Item: Speaking of the new Pope's choice of names, Rogers Cadenhead -author of several editions of the Java in 21 Days and Java in 24 Hours books, among others, predicted that the new Pope would choose one of the following six names on his blog:
- Benedict XVI
- Clement XV
- Innocent XIV
- Leo XIV
- Paul VII
- Pius XIII
Of course, he hedged his bets a little by actually registering domain names for each of these. And the first one on the list hit the jackpot, obviously. Also obviously, a few news reports have suggested that Rogers might have "popesquatted" BenedictXVI.Com, even going so far as to accuse him of planning to sell the domain to pornographers. Rogers' response was apropos, classic, and most likely soul-saving:
"For the love of God, people, that's not going to happen. I will be running any plans I have for this domain by my own Catholic doctrinal enforcer, my never-miss-a-Sunday grandmother Rita!"
Of course, if he wanted to sell a domain name to pornographers for profit, he'd have been better off selling dickheadcheney.com, natch.
Item: My best friend in the world, Brian Z, made this observation about the methods the Conclave uses to inform the world that they've made up their minds on the next Pope:
"Well, it's like this. If there's black smoke, there's no new Pope. If there's white smoke, then there's a new Pope, and if there's green smoke, then they brough along some good dope."
Of course, there's the one I came up with:
"Colonel? Black smoke means they haven't chosen a new Holy Father, right?"
"That's right, Sergeant."
"And that's all it means, right?"
"That's correct, Sergeant. Why do you ask?"
"Well, if I read the message in the smoke signals right, we'd better hope the Calvary's riding up over the hill any second now..."
Personally, I liked mine better, but that's just me.
Item: Now that Enterprise is 100% cancelled, and the new regime at Paranoidmount can't retaliate against the actors, apparently they're starting to speak out about the real reasons the show was cancelled. Scott Bakula has gone on record that there's apparently nobody in charge on the 'Mount that has any real appreciation for the studio's cash cow, and that they've also put the nix on any possible Enterprise movie. This tends to back up a lot of rumors that have been leaking out of Hollyweird since last year regarding the change of the guard on the Paramount lot, and how most of the new higher-ups have a rather negative disregard for Trek Fandom, and would prefer to let the franchise sit and collect dust just to teach the "Trekkies" who's in charge.
That wouldn't surprise me one iota. One thing I've learned over the years is that the studio heads have become intimidated and incensed at how fandom has become integrated and organized thanks to the Internet. Every move they make now gets leaked, scrutinized and denounced even before Variety gets a crack at hyping it. If they're not careful, public pressure and resentment becomes such a negative publicity force that even if what they plan is nowhere near as bad as it sounded in the leak, it's already ruined the box office take just by word of mouth. Something similar almost happened with the new Battlestar Galactica reimaged - the one Ron Moore created, not the DeSanto version that got aborted just before production started - when word got out about how Sci-Fi's Bonnie Hamner was going to redo the series in name only, without even a Battlestar! Her snotty response to the complaints, as well as a deliberate misinformation campaign designed to piss off hard-core fans as much as possible, came damn close to getting the show axed even before Moore had his chance to present his own controversial reimaging. In fact, the only thing that saved BSG was that it turned out to be a damn well-written, well-produced, fine example of how TV Sci-Fi needs to be done in this day and age.
Again, the problem is that Hollyweird, like the rest of the entertainment industry, doesn't have a clue how to handle the Internet. They're scared of it for many reasons, and would love to see it eradicated if they can't control it. And as the MafRIAA thugs of Jack Valenti have shown, every time they try to eradicate it, the Internet and its users simply go underground. Of course, any expectation they have of shutting down something that was designed to survive a nuclear war is either rather stupid, naive, or egotistical on their part. Probably all of the above.
In the end, tho, the moguls and execs and other lord high muckitymucks who run the Screw Factory will have to finally admit defeat, and embrace the Internet enough to find ways to make it serve their own smarmy interests. It's a clear-cut case of "if you can't beat'em, join'em!", and all they need is the proper slap in the face to wake them up to this face. Either that, or a swift kick in the bank accounts...
Item: Speaking of egotistical insanity in the entertainment industry, if you haven't been reading The Smoking Gun, now's a good time to drop on over there and check out one of the more entertaining archives they've set up. Those who follow the music industry have no doubt heard of a Contract Rider. When a performance artist makes a deal to play in an concert hall or other facility, a supplimental agreement is also drawn which is the section of a concert performance contract that itemizes special conditions the artist requires in order to perform. Things like how the stage must be set up, how all publicity and advertising must be managed, what the dressing room must be configured and stocked up with, etc, etc, etc.
Any, TSG has assembled an online library containing quite a number of these Riders, and some of their demands can be quite...well, amusing is probably the nicest word I can think of. Some of them, honestly, are pretty damn vainglorious at worst. Either way, surf on over and check'em out. It's worth the laugh where applicable.
Item: Talk about building the better mousetrap. Target now has this new ClearRx pill bottle the believe is going to revolutionize drug safety. The color - Code Red - is not only Target’s signature color, it's also a universal symbol for caution that Target believes will have more impact than the standard "caramel" color most pill bottles currently have. The design you see to the right shows one of the "innovations" Target is pushing. The bottle is designed to be Upside down to save paper. By standing the bottle on its cap, \the label can be wrapped across the top, and the amount of printable area is the same as a standard 8.5x14" sheet, which according to Target will not eliminates waste and make life easier for pharmacists, it'll allow labels to be printed on normal printer systems and help keep costs down.
Future improvements include a version of the label that slaps a big red X over the label once the contents have exceeded their expiration date. This will us a variant of security badge technology that produces temporary badges that expire after 24 hours. Target's version - one will that works over months instead of hours, won't be ready until 2006.
Of course, the real question is what the hell Wal-Mart is going to come up with to top this one...
